Yarrr! As the Rev Fanoire Siphuncle might say, "Get off! Get away with you, shitepoke!", shitepoke being the alternative name for the heron, a bird which attacked the Reverend on a weekly basis. The famous 20th century failed inventor and cleric, inventor of Uhunium the adhesive military gas, and crotchless paint, was plagued by bird attacks throughout most of his adult life. It is this sort of misfortune that can create greatness in a man.
I remember my first bird attack vividly. I had seated myself in the sunlight, the canal sat before me, it's weight pressing awkwardly against the bank. As I forced my lips around a dry piece of bread I saw a head appear above the verdant ripples.  In a moment my sandwich had gone. Blood tickled my lips. The water cleaned up after itself.  The tenth of a second flash of blue and white told me all I needed to know. It was a sea ostrich,  known to inhabit the sunken Ford Cortinas of the Grand Union Canal in Leicester.I remember it not just for the rarity of the sighting but mostly for the profound effect it had on my own psyche. I blew a cheese-nut. Wibbled. Cracked a cortical relay.
Waking from my psychiatric bed many weeks later I was a new man. A shock to the system had rejuvenated the beige core. Away with you beigeness (though we must welcome beigeness with open arms as a new word).